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Happy Sunday 👋🏾,

First of all, sorry there was no newsletter last week. I was nursing a hangover and just tired from being out until 3 am.

Sheriden threw me a 40th birthday party! My people embraced the 90s theme dress code and turned up looking good, ready to enjoy themselves.

I went as Bobby Brown (not MC Hammer as many believed).

There's no clearer reminder that age has crept up on you than when you take three days to recover from 1. Dancing all night and 2. The late night itself. But so worth it.

During the lead-up, and while in recovery/hibernation mode, I started reflecting on the past 40 years.

If I'm being real with you, 12 years ago I didn't think I would make it to 40. And if I did, what kind of life would it be, with the chronic pain and the mobility issues?

So much has happened since then. I'm grateful for all of it, and for the lessons I learnt along the way.

hat surprises me is that I'm not nervous about any of it. Turning 30 scared me far more, trust me. These feel like my golden years, the ones where things go up a level. There's a peace that comes with knowing who you are.
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That peace didn't come from nowhere. It stems from my experiences that became teachable moments. So here are my 20 life lessons that have shaped who I am today.

1. Don't take yourself too seriously. Life is about joy and actually enjoying it. I'm a 5'7" bald man with a gap in my teeth, so I get the jokes in before anyone else can. I spent years trying to hide all of it. Accepting all of me is where I found peace.
2. Marry your friend. Someone who sees you for who you are and who you're becoming, when you can't even see it yourself. I met Sheriden at 17, while I was resitting my GCSEs. She stayed through the epilepsy diagnosis, the studio flat and the double shifts at uni. She's a senior leader at her school and a brilliant mum, and she never stopped chasing her own ambitions while she was backing mine. When I left teaching to start the business, she didn't flinch. 23 years later, she's still the one who calls me out on my BS, and everything good in my life has her fingerprints on it.
3. Know your worth. I spent years trying to fit expectations, in my career and in my friendships, saying yes to things I didn't want to do. It left me drained. I'd rather be honest now than agreeable.
4. Feel your feelings. Bottling it up always seemed easier, and if I'm honest, as a Black man that's what I was taught to do. But sadness, frustration and anger catch up with you eventually. If you need to cry, cry. Talk about it. Don't ignore it. Chances are the person next to you is also going through something.
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5. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you who you are." My mum said that to me for years and I never really got it. I get it now. The people around me push me to be better and hold me accountable. I know I can pick up the phone and they'll be there. The circle has gotten smaller and evolved as we’ve grown. But that is to be expected, and celebrated.
6. Take care of your body. I learnt this one the hard way, after a big attack. It comes down to basics. Sleep, movement, hydration. I knew all of it but didn’t make it a priority until I had no choice. Epilepsy also taught me to learn my own triggers, because doctors know medicine, but nobody knows your body as you do. My health is the foundation now, and it's something I won't compromise on.
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7. Therapy was a game changer for me. I wish I'd started it earlier in life. Talking to someone isn't a weakness. It's maintenance, same as the gym and the physio.
8. Ask for help. No man is an island. I hate this one. I'd rather struggle in silence and sort it myself. But every single time I've asked, the love and support flowed, and life got a little lighter.
9. Grief is inevitable. You will lose people you love. It's a natural progression of life, and knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. We lost our baby Zach at 31 weeks. If I hadn't done the work on myself, through therapy and just growing as a person, I don't know if I would have been able to be there for my wife the way she needed. You have to face it. It is painful, the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm still doing it.
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10. Faith isn't knowing why. It's knowing you're not walking it alone. I've stopped asking God for explanations, because I've never once been given one. What I hold onto in my most difficult times, whilst lying in a hospital ward or on the sofa, is the knowledge that I wasn't in there on my own. That has carried me further than any answer could have.
11. Don't be afraid to fail. When you're failing, it usually means you're doing something different, and different is uncomfortable. Three weeks ago I sent you an email titled "I'm scared this might be a mistake". We open in Lagos in October. I’m still doing it.
12. Your learning doesn't stop after formal education. I push myself to learn something every day, through reading and through conversations with people. I keep trying to grow. A lot of it has come through my setbacks, because there's a lesson in everything we do, if you're willing to look for it.
13. Time is the one currency you can't earn back. Experiences over things, every time. Travel, learn, love. Don't get me wrong, financial security matters; of course it does. But the memories outweigh the possessions. Be thoughtful and intentional about what you decide to spend your time on.
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14. I've reached uncle status. Anyone younger than me calls me uncle now. I've decided to take it as a compliment.
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15. I'm stuck in the 90s and early 2000s when it comes to R&B. I've made my peace with that. They don’t make tunes like they used to.
16. Don't be afraid to dance. Other people's opinions are not facts. I spent years at the edge of the room, convinced everyone was watching and judging me. They weren't. They were far too busy worrying about themselves.
17. Get on the floor and play. Zeek has never once asked how the business is going. He asks if I'll wrestle or race him. That's the meeting that matters most.
18. Work on yourself first. Everyone around you gets the benefit. I'm up before the house is. Not because I'm disciplined. The pain wakes me anyway. But that early hour belongs to me, and I pour into my own cup first. Sheriden and Zeek get a better version of me because of it. Working on yourself isn't selfish. It's how the people who need you get your best.
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19. Don't be so hard on yourself. I talk to myself now the way I'd talk to Zeek. Would I call him a failure for one bad week? Never. It took me nearly 40 years to offer myself the same grace.
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20. You are not behind. You are becoming. I wrote that to my 15-year-old self last year. Lying on that couch at 40, I finally believed it.

That's the list. Ask me at 50 which ones held up.

Here's to the golden years. God willing.

If any of these resonate with you, reply and let me know.

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